For a multitude of reasons, I have spent the last several years sitting on my couch and watching TV while my life has been on hold. Now that many of those holds have finally released me, it's time to make some very big changes.
In December of 2007, I was diagnosed with MS (Multiple Sclerosis), and after a 3 year battle, I was declared permanently disabled and am now on SSDI. The restrictions put on me through the process of applying for and then fighting for my SSDI left me very unfulfilled and left my life very stagnant. I felt I was sitting still, blocked from the path forward, yet clinging for dear life to the present for fear of falling backwards. Through a lot of therapy (4 years this month, whoo-hoo!) I have let go of (most) of my anger, and am in the process of learning that I am good enough just the way I am, and that I am kick-ass awesome.
But after being still for so long, I have realized that I don't really know myself anymore. I'm not sure who I am, who I want to be, or what I want from life.
I know I want to do some kind of part time work, but what? I know I want to do some kind of volunteer work, but where? I know I want an exciting life again, one that I look forward to each day when I wake up, full of happiness, peace, amazement, fun, and love, but how? Oh yeah, and in between all that, I could really stand to lose about 180 lbs.
My life is like a giant word jumble right now, all crazy and mixed up and hard to understand. But just like I know there are real words hidden in those random letters waiting for me to find them, I know there is a real life hidden in all this chaos waiting for me to live it. I just have to find it.
But in order to find that life, I first have to Get Up Off The Couch...
No comments:
Post a Comment