Lessons I've Learned (Thanks Karen!)

Thanks to my wonderful (and ever patient) therapist Karen, who no matter how many times I've tried, I cannot for the fuck of me bullshit, this month is my 4 year anniversary in therapy.  Whoo-hoo!

Here are some lessons I've learned:


1. Therapy won't work unless you find the right therapist for you.
     Karen is the right therapist for me because from day 1, she wouldn't buy my bullshit and called me on it every single time.  Still does.  She MAKES me face everything head on, and that's the only way I'll ever be able to deal with a problem and dissolve it.

2. There will always be bullies.
     Yes, there are poisonous people around me.  Yes, even in my mid-thirties I meet people who try to belittle me or push me around.  Sadly, bullies don't live in the dark hallways of schools, where you can escape them simply by growing up and moving on.  You'll encounter them for the rest of your life, so you better learn how to handle them now.  My advice?  Stand up to the bullies in your life and tell them to back the fuck off.  Most bullies are so shocked at being bullied back, they back down immediately.

3. Only you can let someone make you feel bad. 
     Yeah, bullies suck.  Sometimes people in general suck.  But have you ever met one of those people who no matter what is going on, always has a smile and a friendly wave for you?  I mean, always.  Their car could have just exploded and their response would be "Oh well, I was getting sick of having a red car anyways.  I always wanted a blue one."  Yeah, one of those...happy people.
     I know the temptation to smack them upside the head is tempting, shit my best friend of over 20 years wake up like that every fricken day, but before you do, take a lesson from them.  It's not that these people have perfect lives or have never encountered a bad day.  It's just that they choose not to let it get to them.  It's all in your attitude.  If someone wants to make you feel bad, don't let them.  If someone wants to make you angry, don't let them.  Put them out of your head and.  If they aren't important to you, why do you care what they think?  People like that aren't of consequence anyway.  They only hurt you to feel better about themselves.  The only emotion you should every give them is pity.

4. Suck it up, already!
    Yup, life fucking sucks sometimes.  Sucks big blue smurf balls.  And it seems like your life is shit while everyone else's is going swimmingly.  You're single, but everyone else has someone to love them.  You lost your job while your best friend is flying to Hawaii for a fully paid week-long "conference".  You have this reoccurring pain in your head/back/arm, and the doctors can't find a way to get rid of it.  Murphy isn't just imposing laws, he's living rent-free on your couch.
     But here's the thing, everybody's life fucking sucks sometimes, not just yours.  And yes, while I'm all for hiding away for a weekend, getting drunk on peach Arbour Mist and watching all six seasons of Dawson's Creek, at some point, you're going to run out of the Mist and realize Pacey and Jo were meant to be from the very beginning.  At some point, you need to stop the pity party, realize everyone has shit to battle, and get up. Nothing's going to change unless you do something to change it, so quit suck it up already and get to changing.

5. A little is better than nothing.
    Quick question: what's better, working at McDonald's for $8 an hour or being unemployed, behind in your bills, broke, and on the edge of eviction?
     Answer: McDonald's motherfucker!
     Seriously people, I know the idea of flipping burgers and slinging fries is horrendous for a professional like to (not to mention those polyester uniforms, yuck) but sometimes a little is better than a lot.  Like when you are unemployed with no opportunities in the foreseeable future except the afternoon shift at Mickey D's.
     Nothing has to be permanent.  If you have to take a crappy minimum wage job til something better comes along, take it; at least it's something!  It doesn't have to be permanent, it's just a stepping stone. If you have to move back in with your parents for a couple months, it's ok, it's just a stepping stone.
     If you can't do the big thing, then do little things until you can do the big thing.  Keep doing something.  A little is better than nothing.  Step on the stones, people.

 6. Stop playing the Blame Game.
     C'mon, you know the Blame Game.  We've all played it.  It's __________'s fault we didn't get that job.  If only __________ had given you the right directions you wouldn't have been late to that meeting.  It's not your fault the red line was derailed, those damn subway lines are always stalled.
     Doesn't matter what it is or who we blame, it's just easier and, truthfully, much easier on our conscious, to blame somebody else for our problems.  But if you ever want real change in your life, you need to stop looking for places to stash the blame, and start looking at what you can do to solve the problems.  The fact is, most of the time, nothing is ever all one person's fault.  It's their fault as well as your fault as well as this is just the way things went and tough shit, this is the life you were handed.  
     But the solution is all yours.  You just have to find it.  Even if that takes doing absolutely everything you don't want to do.
     When I did this, I had to really looking at myself and all my flaws. And not flaws like I'm overweight, but flaws like I'm lazy, I don't follow through on anything, and I gave up when things get hard. Once I saw all those flaws, I was able to start working on changing them. And then, without even knowing it, things in my life got better. Sure, I was lazy as fuck, but there were some days when I had a little more energy than normal, so instead of sitting on the couch all day letting the day and the weeks pass me by, even though I didn't want to, I would go for a walk around the block.  I'd see neighbors and say hi to people, and enjoy the feeling I got from being even just a little active and social.  Soon, I was looking forward to sunny days so I could go for my walk, say hi to the neighbors I never knew, and look at all the Spring gardens.  Over time, I had more and more energy, which made my life better.
     Yeah, in the beginning it was easier to just blame my lonely, boring life on my weight, but when I realized it was my lazy flaw keeping me inside the house all the time, I set out to squash it.  And things are so much better now.



The point of all this is that it only takes one small change to affect everything in your life. So if you want or need change, you need to suck it up, and DO something. Stop complaining and just take the first step already. It doesn't matter how small it is, because once you take that first step, you're just going to keep practicing it until you realize you've outgrown that step and it's time to move onto step two. Then you'll outgrow step two and it'll be time for step three, and so on. But if you never take that first step, nothing will ever change, and your life will be stagnant. And as Karen once told me, that's not living life. That's merely existing.